brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My life is pants optional.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
