were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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