You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
