no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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