i already hear my dad disowning me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
