I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
