What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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