You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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