I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
