3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
