Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
