I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
