He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
