dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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