it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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