I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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