I wanna passion pit in your ass
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
