My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
