I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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