So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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