Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize