Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
