You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
