can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
