I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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