Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize