I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
