I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
