how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize