tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
