omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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