I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
