And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize