Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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