im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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