Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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