I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
