maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
