I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
