While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
