So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
