That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
