Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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