I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
