So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
