she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
