You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
