her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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