We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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