Sry I called you an 8
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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