bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
