I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
