i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
