if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
