Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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