It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
