Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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