I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
