this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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