He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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