wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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