I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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