girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
