then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
