1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize