Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
