Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
