All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
