Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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