Porn is love you can see.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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