What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
