It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
