Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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