Can i not drive my cunt home
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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