sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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