Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
