I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
