you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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