drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Welp...herpes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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