My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
