Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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