I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
