I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
