I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
