but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
