living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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