Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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