He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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