The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
