Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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