I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
