I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
