If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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