New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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I need you to use more vowels.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize