about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize