you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
NoShamevember. You game?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
