i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
