if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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