Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
