This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I look better un-naked...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
