i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
