seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
