Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
