Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
